Funny Status Ideas

A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.

I want to raise my kids like I was so when I change the TV channel I make my kid get up and pretend to turn a dial.

It's amazing how once you stop thinking with your wiener all the time, the ladies finally let you use yours.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

I bet if we made congress use 1ply toilet paper until our economy was fixed, they would have it corrected by tomorrow.

At least a zombie would love me for my brain.

If one human year equals seven dog years, shouldn't we be singing happy birthday to them every 52 days?