WTF Statuses

A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
The risk I took was calculated, but MAN am I bad at math.
#16765
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Xyuppi
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
#16766
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Xyuppi
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Elevator music is just awful on every level.
A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.......A friend is typing.........A friend is typing........A friend is typing...........A friend is typing......... Hey!
#16769
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Xyuppi
Today's Horoscope: You're gullible.
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