Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don't they get taller dancers?
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
When my wife said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkeys, I didn't believe her. Then I saw her face. . .
If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll definitely turn around and look.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."