WTF Statuses

I found a spider in my shoes. He looked ridiculous, they're way too big for him

I'm not stealing my neighbor's WiFi, their WiFi is trespassing into my house.

Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.

I wish I could swap my central nervous system for a central confidence system.

I’m not antisocial. It’s just that most people don’t make the cut.

My reality check bounced.

Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There's liquor and you can't hear them.