What if I told you I could literally cut your phone bill in HALF with an exciting new product called scissors?!
Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
Xyuppi
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
Xyuppi
I am sure that wherever my ex-girlfriend is, she's looking down on me. She's not dead, just very condescending.
Xyuppi
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
Whats my favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”