Xyuppi
I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark!" Somehow I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
Xyuppi
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Xyuppi
I wish I can start a new diet, but there's a bunch of old diets I haven't finish.
I dance like people wish they weren’t watching.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn't have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
As a kid, I had to be careful not to curse around adults. Now as an adult, I have to be careful not to curse around kids.
Xyuppi
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.