WTF Statuses

I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say “Don’t get smart with me!”

A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.

Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.

For Halloween I'm going as the US government. When kids come by to trick-or-treat I will take a bite of 1/3 of all their candy.

The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!

I just realized that I haven't done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it's all about.

My favorite part about Halloween is seeing all the confused Jehovah's Witnesses wandering around, wondering why they've been given lolly pops.