WTF Statuses

I wish I could lose weight as fast as I lose motivation

If someone says they’re gonna open up a can of whoop ass, that means someone out there is canning whoop ass…I’d be more afraid of that second guy.

Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.

McDonald’s should do an Adult Happy Meal that’s just wine and cookies.

Everybody wants to shine, but no one wants to polish.

It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.

What I miss most from childhood? Teleportation. Many times I have crashed on the couch and ended up in bed. Sadly, does not work anymore.