WTF Statuses

If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
It's called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn't it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
I'm more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
I don't have a Fitbit. But I have a couple of fat bits.
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