Jon
Farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around. Felt like I was on The Voice.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it's full of ceiling fans.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
Novell
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Novell
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out
One of the guys I work with overdosed on Viagra. His wife's been taking it pretty hard.