Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your legs.
I show affection for my pets by holding them against me whispering "I love you" while they struggle to break free.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Novell
My friend asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water. I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat
Novell
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh
Novell
I never realize how much I swear until I’m in a situation where I can’t