WTF Statuses

I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that’s how it works

Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours

I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.

I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.

I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.

I saw a cop car with a red nose and antlers pull over someone this morning... Instead of giving you a ticket, Does this cop just put your name on the naughty list?

I hate public speaking. People should just keep their mouths shut.