E.B. FlipShank
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Novell
The condoms need to be located in the f*cking baby aisle Next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula can
Never, ever ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
Novell
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.