I don't use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
Amigo
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Amigo
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Amigo
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
I can't understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
I fart because it's the only gas I can afford.
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.