WTF Statuses

I'd like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.

I’m not nodding to say yes about your idea….The voices in my head are agreeing with me that you’re an idiot

Whenever someone spells something wrong, I always look to see if the two letters are close on the keyboard.

1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave

There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.

Caller ID should be more detailed~ “Wants Help Moving” “Going to Whine” “Will Ask to Borrow Money

They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs