Jackamus
Let's be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
Amigo
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet
If zombies ever attack, go to Sam's Club. They have walls and years of food and supplies. Also, zombies can't get in without a membership.
Amigo
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play God with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
Amigo
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage