I was being sincere when I told my friends their baby looks like a movie star I just failed to mention that the kid looks like E.T.
Bluechair
Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween
What did E do that was so bad that it got left out of the grading system?
It's so unfair that I have to work while this homeless guy gets to talk on his pretend bluetooth all day.
Let's face it. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF
I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I nearly killed a cyclist...
My dog sheds so much I dropped my jacket on the floor and when I wore it today some animal rights activists threw red paint on it.