Coaster? You're assuming I plan to put my drink down...
There needs to be a Life Alert for when the remote control is out of reach.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
My battery died so I spent so time with the family today. They seem like nice people.
I'm at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn't have to get up to pee.
Cyberbilly
Dear God: Please let Jerry Jones say something racist. -The Dallas Cowboys