What's the difference between kissing ass and brown nosing? Depth perception.
Robert Zunick
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
Amigo
It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
Amigo
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.
Better days are coming. They're called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it's time to eat again.
I just hit a pothole so hard Siri developed a stutter.