WTF Statuses

I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
I think it would be fun to work in a restaurant on Valentine's Day. I'd hide fake diamond rings in all the girls' glasses and then just watch all the men's expressions.
I'm so tired, but at least I got the dog on the bus and let the kids out to pee.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can't have any more food and I'm never ready for that kind of commitment.
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