I make seven figures but the first two are zero.
My wife said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I don't get women.
If this country gets any fatter we’re going to have to put another notch in the Bible Belt
Relationship Status: Getting a haircut once a month just to feel boobs brushed against my arm
Amigo
Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep
Amigo
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Novell
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.