The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing a cast.
I really wish the dollar store would start selling gas.
Ke$ha: weak music choice, strong password choice.
I want a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Step 1: Buy a 3D printer. Step 2: Print a 3D printer. Step 3: Return the 3D printer.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
Women's magazines are so funny. 1: You're beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.