I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
There's so much cleavage on Telemundo that my baby thinks it's The Food Network.
I'll sell my broken watch when the time is right.
The last chapter of every book should just be all the characters acting terrified that their world is about to end.
I wouldn't mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren't coming from my wife.
I want to invent a vibrating tampon so a woman can be at her best while she is at her worst.