Most meteorologists are men. That's why when they say we're going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
I accidentally ate a ball of wasabi the size of a marble and now I can smell math.
Now that the Playstation 4 has been released, maybe now I can afford the first one.
I love when my mom tells me that I should go on more dates as if it's something within my control.
I really want to sleep, but my brain won't stop talking to itself.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I'm recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."