If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded people for a Febreeze commercial.
I'm boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
Amigo
Politicians are like sperm. One in a million turns out to be an actual human.
I'll never understand why Mario still plays golf and rides go-karts with the guy who violently kidnaps his girlfriend all the time.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
People think I'm crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
Why do pickup truck commercials think it's very important that I'm able to tow a plane?