I think there may be blood in my alcohol system. No seriously, I'm going to have to shut the brewery down. This is a very serious health hazard.
Whenever I'm walking and see a car at a red light I like to wave until the person rolls their window down. Then I say, "You know, you can't park there"
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
I was going to buy a KitchenAid but saw that it had mixed reviews.
Halloween is just a month away, and I still haven’t picked out my excuse for not dressing up.
Does the government shutdown mean we can start looting? Asking for a friend.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.