The Starbucks guy just said, "Looks like you had a rough night!" I didn't even go out...
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
Hello Fire Department? Is this Mr. December? I'm stuck in a tree. I mean, Meow...
So what do women say when they're actually fine?
Exciting news: Duchess Kate has gone into labor; this marks the first time anyone in the Royal family has been connected to the word labor.