Research has shown that a poor sex life will lead to a stroke.
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute. I just find it strange how many people have knives on a date.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
Why does everyone want me to come out of my comfort zone? I worked really hard to get there.
The Fourth of July is an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.
Either that was a firework, or another Tribute is dead!
Finding someone you want to sleep with is easy. It's finding someone you want to wake up with that's difficult.