Gaining followers on Twitter isn't success. It's just failure with more witnesses.
Ever notice that people who usually wear sweatpants hardly ever sweat?
I have a statuesque physique. Like a porcelain Buddha.
Why do women ask questions that they truly don't want to hear the answer to? My wife asked me what would I do if I found out I had one year to live? I told her I would divorce her and remarry my ex wife, because everyday with my ex seemed like it was an eternity and by the end of the year I would be begging for death.
Was the pirate's hook the cause of his eye injury? Or did the eye patch affect his depth perception, causing the hand injury?
Well that sucks. I go to all the trouble of kidnapping a Girl Scout and she doesn't even know how to make the cookies!
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women's facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren't looking at her face.