WTF Statuses

Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
If we took all the guns out of video games, Oregon Trail would just be about some poor family dying of dysentery while their oxen drown.
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself
#Stophashtaggingonfacebook
Reading that California now has the Powerball. I'm confused. Hasn't Lance Armstrong lived here for years?
Police in Florida arrested a man who stole a truck carrying $75,000 worth of Campbell’s Soup. Now he’s going away for mmm, mmm, good.
I'm not scared of rehab. 90 days in sweatpants, drinking coffee and talking about me all day sounds fantastic.
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