Here is an Easter time saving tip - don't waste time coloring the eggs. It will make them easier to hide in the snow...
You know you drank too much when you went to bed with Marilyn Monroe but woke up with Marilyn Manson.
Everyone suffering from diseases and natural disasters: hang in there, we're liking Facebook posts as fast as we can.
My wife is going to the hair salon today. For the next few hours I'll be practicing my reaction.
and on the 7th day while God was resting Satan created the Kardashian family.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they're already pissed off.
Nolan Erickson
Evening news is where they begin with saying "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.