Elementary school: "Okay so here's the basics of history." High school: "That's not right. Every thing is waaay more complicated." College: "EVERY THING YOU KNOW IS WRONG!!" History channel: "Aliens"
A lot of things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don't understand the meaning of Final.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
My gambling addiction sponsor says he's going to stay with me through the whole program. I have the over/under at 9 weeks.
Alanis Morissette sings about having 10,000 spoons when all she needs is a knife. Nobody asks why she has 10,000 spoons?
You can't call it a credit score if I can't win.