Sweater weather = the end of my diet.
I would call my coworkers complete idiots, but that would mean that they have actually completed something.
Man, I love Halloween. I can get free candy without going into a van!
That awkward moment when you realize, that adding "that awkward moment when you realize" before a random statement doesn't make you seem any more clever, witty, or profound.
Cyberbilly
The sign in the restroom said "Employees Must Wash Hands". I waited for 10 minutes and no employee came in, so I washed my hands myself and went on back to the table.
The tag on a curling iron reads "For External Use Only". Now what sick bastard made that necessary?!
69% of people are able to find something dirty in every sentence.