I've decided I'm not going to have kids. I love babies, but I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 2 minutes.
A picture used to say a thousand words, before Photoshop and strategic cell phone angles
Michael Mendoza
Microwave logic: lets make half of this meal completely frozen, and the other half ridiculously hot to eat.
Cyberbilly
Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff.
Cyberbilly
My wife says I know how to push all her buttons, but I have yet to find the Mute button.
Cyberbilly
Wouldn't it be cool if breast implants came with squeaky toys in them?