Austin Mulka
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
Austin Mulka
1. Open fridge. Nothing to eat. 2. Open cabinets. Nothing to eat. 3. Lower standards and repeat.
I went to the doctors today because every time I drink tea or coffee I get this terrible stabbing pain in my eyes. He advised me to try removing the spoon from the cup.
Austin Mulka
Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got 6 months!
What'sthislongbaronthekeyboardfor?
Austin Mulka
America: Gets called fat and stupid by all nations, beats the crap out of them in the Olympics.
Austin Mulka
No matter how big or bad you are, when a two year hands you a toy phone, you answer it.