Reading a magazine waiting at the checkout and was told, “this is not a library”, so I read it out loud.
After the third time he yelled "IT'S A TRAP" to a girl at the bar it became abundantly clear that Admiral Akbar was an awful wing man.
WTF is it with signs on cars that say "FOR SALE BY OWNER"? You mean to say I could've sold my neighbor's piece of crap parked out front?
Al Qaeda's second-in-command has been killed in Pakistan. This guy dies more often than the world’s oldest person.
goldin
Does the term don't drop the soap in jail apply to women prisons?
goldin
My parents told me I should play in the street often, a street called I-95.....
I had to poop, but I was in the shower. All of the sudden I needed to fart really bad. I thought to myself sneak the fart out around the poop. Attempted previous thought. Turns out you can't get the black powder out of a gun without firing the bullet :(