Midnite Reign
With the advances of technology these days how come no one has invented a tampon that is like a turkey timer that just pops up when it's done?
Someone complimented my summer tan today and I was too embarrassed to tell them, "At this age, it's my liver spots connecting."
Listen Apple, unless this so-called "genius" is making me a drink, don't tell me to wait at the bar.
I know it's just rain but I still don't like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches.
Amigo
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
I buy my condoms at Costco. When you go through them like I do, you need a place with a really good return policy.
The only way I'll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.