The kid next door challenged me to a water balloon fight. I'm just updating my facebook while I wait for the kettle to boil.
I wish I could google things in my fridge so that I wouldn't have to go downstairs and be disappointed.
I used to think the brain was the most interesting part of the body. Then I realized what was telling me that.
Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Autocorrect - What drunk people use to sound sober, and what sober people use to sound drunk.
Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.