WTF Statuses

Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary...that's what gets you.
My friend was complaining that my car doesn't have enough get up and go. I said, no, but it has plenty of get out and push!
I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire...
Maybe its Maybelline...or maybe its Photoshop.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
My alarm clock is clearly jealous of the relationship I have with my bed....
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