Whenever I feel like I need to get my stuff together, I remember that MTV is 3 months older than me and still hangs out with 12-year-olds.
When I see people with big spaces in their teeth I think of all the different things they could stick between them.
Hacked into my boyfriend's email. He told his friend some crazy girl is obsessed with him. No mention of a name unfortunately.
Husband tried to piss me off by telling me he slept with my best friend. I said "Great! Now she knows I lied about the amazing sex!"
I wonder how many seals escape being eaten by great white sharks because the sharks have mistaken them for surfers.
Men have three basic hairstlyles: parted, unparted and departed.
When are they going to air the commercial where the recipient of a car in a giant ribbon says, "A LEXUS! We can’t afford this, you idiot!"?