Ends will never meet while you're sitting on yours.
I changed my car horn to sound like gun shots. People get out of my way a lot faster now.
Beware of websites and women that ask you to continue unprotected.
Some jerk parked in front of my driveway last night. So I decided to leave him a note. I didn't have a pen, so I had to use my key
My wife's phone's space button is broken and she text me phonebrokenIwantanalternate I'm excited, but what is a ternate?
Lebron James dislocated his ring finger. It's not like he was using it anyways...
Adam didn't take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship