I’m pretty sure if dogs could talk their most common phrase would be “Are you going to eat that?”
Wait, what if I'm allergic to Kleenex?
24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
Kids in back seats cause accidents. Accidents in back seats cause kids.
Chuck E Cheese's is just a casino for little kids...
I'm not crazy, everyone else in the world is just boring.
Wear jeans every day and nobody cares. Wear a shirt twice in a row and you're suddenly homeless in the eyes of everyone.