I want to be a millionaire. Just like my dad! No, he wasn't a millionaire, but he always wanted to be.
No pain no gain but also no pain no pain.
The weather is such a slut. The wind blows everyone, the rain makes everyone wet, the sun makes everyone take their clothes off, and the snow covers everyone in white stuff.
With all the discounted Valentine's candy that's available, I like to call February 15th "Lonely People Halloween."
You're the one who posted over a thousand pictures of yourself on Facebook. Why does looking at them make me the weird one?
You think 7 years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
When are they going to come out with a Valentine’s Day condolence card? “Dear Valentine, I’m sorry I’m your Valentine.”