Next time your in a silent elevator ride with a stranger, turn to her and say, "I'm sorry we're fighting."
Sex is like high school .. you miss a period & you're in trouble.
If you quit Facebook, don't be pissed when I forget your birthday.
Commenting on your own status is the Facebook equivalent of talking to yourself.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It's about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
My nephew told me that a girl was yelling at him and he didn't even know what he did. Imagine, at 7, he is so ready to get married.
I don't have health insurance, but I do have car insurance. So whenever I get sick I just go crash my car into a tree.