I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to screw that one up?
Some things are best kept between you and the neighbors. Like a fence, for example.
I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.
Slugs are just homeless snails.
Thanks for the e-vite. Now I can prepare an excuse for missing your terrible party instead of coming up with one on the spot.
Animal crackers just don't taste right if you don't start by biting their heads off first.
Is it just me or are there way more handicapped parking spaces than handicapped drivers?