If it's true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff.
How quickly my dad wants to leave the restaurant is a good indicator as to how poorly he just tipped the waitress.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
Bad: Waking up and finding a penis drawn on your face. Worse: It was traced.
My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Wisdom doesn't always come with age. Sometimes age just shows up by itself.