I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight, come on over
I miss when the most stressful thing about my day was Gargamel.
Sometimes, the best kind of birth control is just good lighting.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
Amigo
Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings… Pavlov gasps, “Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dogs.”
Xyuppi
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.