You call it it multiple personalities. I call it social networking in my head.
Being unattractive is just playing the dating game on hard mode.
Picture Darth Vader singing "A Few of My Favorite Things" and you'll have some idea of the kind of thoughts that go through my head daily.
Why don't you slip into something a little more comfortable? ...like a coma.
This Thanksgiving, I'll be roasting a pheasant stuffed with a duck that's been stuffed with mutton. I'll be serving a hot Phuckewe.
One of the best feelings in the world is not having to set your alarm clock.
When eating to celebrate the holidays, remember that a waist is a terrible thing to mind.