I would never go bungee jumping. A broken rubber brought me into this world, and it's not going to take me out.
Men go through 3 stages: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.
Congress declares school lunch pizza a vegetable. All part of "No Child Left Without a Giant Behind."
There should be a "sleep in the car" option if you land on someone's hotel in Monopoly.
Ever notice how Voldemort has a diary, necklace, ring, tiara, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy? Apparently no one but me finds this awkward.
Oh damn, we've had the baby monitor backwards all this time! No wonder my farts kept waking them up from across the house.
Marriage advice. Twice a week the wife and I go out for a nice, relaxing meal. She goes on Mondays and I go on Fridays.