Sometimes I sneak up on my alarm when it's sleeping and yell "how does it feel!?"
Guys do a pretty good impression of a meerkat whenever a pretty girl walks into a crowded bar.
The internet is a terrifying place for people with a phobia of cute cats.
Sometimes I watch basketball holding a ps3 controller just to screw with my grandpa's head.
I was just in a store that sells hipster gear and I couldn't believe the prices. I never realized that it costs so much to look that poor.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar and told my friend "That's us in 10 years". She said "That's a mirror".
The only way that raising children could be any harder is if they decided to unionize.